Preface
There is a novel I completed in 2015 that hasn’t yet found a home. Every editor has passed on it thus far, many citing its substantial length. I too plan to take a hint at long last and withdraw it from circulation for the moment, instead putting forward the book I’m currently working on. Once that is off my desk, perhaps I’ll return to a redraft of my unloved work (what emoji should I use here?).
In the meantime, I wanted to share a few glimpses of that unseen tome, which still, at last browsing, remains very dear to me. Its narrator Rajeev lives in Kolkata, and is among other things an agony columnist, although not an especially caring one. This extract brings together four letters he receives.
I should add that each of these fictionalised predicaments has a kernel of ‘real life’ within it. With the first two letters, people of similar ages shared very similar crises with me; the third was a dream I had, and the final, longest one — believe it or not — is only a slight reworking of a request made to my mother.
*
“Sir, I’m a young man of 21 in an engineering college. My girlfriend and I have been going steady for two years, and only recently she has agreed to allow us to express our love for each other more, but within limits. Two days ago, while close to her, I masturbated, then washed my hands with soap, and shortly afterwards, digitally penetrated her.
“The next morning, which was yesterday, she called me with great anxiety. She had tossed and turned all night, worrying about whether she might have conceived. At first I had no doubt it was safe, but now I feel I should get an objective second opinion. Sir, please advise. My happy love life is suddenly under a cloud.”
Student,
Behala.
*
“Sir, exactly one week ago I was walking from school to tuition and I was already late, which was also honestly my fault owing to playing cricket after school. My tuition Sir does not permit anyone to go to toilet for the full two hours, and I was quite desperate, so I went on the roadside itself. Then I forgot about it and continued on my way to my physics class.
“From the next day, things began to go badly for everyone in my family. First the doctor said my brother has chicken pox. Then my father fell off his scooter on Thursday on the Bypass just after Science City. He has fractured his arm and cannot go to office. My Thakuma is becoming more worried, she has high sugar, Sir, and there is so much pressure on Ma.
“Sir, here is my confession. On Friday, the day after my father’s accident, I bunked school but went to evening tuition at the same Sir’s place for maths instead of physics. My mind was very heavy, Sir, when I got off the bus, with all the various family problems, and suddenly I noticed something terrible. The place where I had stopped to urinate on Monday was the wall of a church which is something I had not at all observed previously. It is a high wall with no chance of seeing the church from this side, but you can see it from the other footpath where I was walking this time. Suddenly I thought, is God punishing me for my sin outside His house? I would never have done it there if I had known. But now all my relatives are being punished one by one for MY sin, and I also fear, my time must be coming soon.
“Sir, I am not a Christian, but I want to go for confession in a church where no one will know me and also pray for forgiveness. I am fourteen years old and can take the bus or Metro anywhere in the city. I just want to atone for my misdeed, Sir, and also protect my innocent family who don’t even know why these things are happening. Please help with addresses and advice.”
*
“Sir, I keep having dreams of friends who are asking me to pay back debts that I owe. They crop up in the strangest places, on the staircase of my office building (which I never use), or in the international foods section of the Spencer’s supermarket at Quest mall. But I know I have never borrowed money from any of them. Why is this happening?”
*
“Sir, I am writing from Nagpur with an unusual request, but it is only because I have read your replies to several people and have come to respect your sagacity in personal matters. Also, this is not a problem to be published in ‘Ask Raj’, but rather a request to you in person, like a letter from an old friend.
“There is an excellent marriage prospect for my younger son, who has just finished his M.Tech in Illinois and found his first job in Chicago. The girl comes from a highly educated family, it seems, and luckily is also from our community. The only issue is that her family lives in Kolkata, and my wife and I are currently unable to travel for certain health reasons which I won’t go into. If we knew anyone in the eastern part of the country whom we could trust with such an important mission, it would have been no problem, but unfortunately that is not the case. We would dearly like to meet the girl and her parents, but at least for the next two months, it will be impossible for me to leave Nagpur.
“Raj (if you don’t mind me calling you that), we have spoken to them several times on the phone, but as you will agree, that is no substitute for an actual meeting. In fact, my son and the girl have communicated on Skype and have liked each other, and he is also encouraging us from US to take things forward here. Further, he has warned me he might need seven months notice to be able to apply for two weeks of holidays to come to India for the wedding, and so we should give him as much advance warning as possible. But first we need to cross this initial hurdle, of the meeting between the families, as soon as possible.
“Raj, I’m calling you like an older son, so please don’t mind, and I’m going to be frank and ask directly — will you be like a son to me and visit the girl’s family on our behalf? Just one meeting at Salt Lake, which is the area where they live. You might be wondering how I heard about you from so far away in Nagpur. Well, my nephew actually graduated from IIM in Kolkata two years back, and became a big fan of your column during his two-year stay there. Now he has a job in Mumbai, otherwise we would have asked him, but when we couldn’t think of anyone to trust with this task, he came up with this great suggestion, and told me I should read your columns.
“Beta, I will arrange everything from here. I am sure the girl’s family will have no objection if they know you are our trusted representative. As I said, my son and the girl have spoken on Skype, so we don’t even need any pictures. But we would like to hear her speak to you, so it would be much appreciated if you record the conversation with your phone. Or maybe only a part of it in case the file is too big? And for the rest, afterwards I can call you and get your first-hand impressions of the house, the girl, her parents and their culture. Just to confirm the very positive idea we already have of them.
“One final request, and I can only say this because I feel I already know you well through your column, and I’m certain that you won’t misunderstand. In all the photos that we have seen so far, the girl does her hair in an unusual way. How can I describe it? Do you remember SharmilaTagoreji in films like Aradhana? Well, this girl’s style is very similar, with long hair piled on top of her head. I have asked my son about this, because he has also seen it on Skype, but he doesn’t seem to be bothered. But my wife and I would like to know something, just to be reassured. Could you keep an eye out while you speak to her to see if that hairstyle is just a fashion, or else, perhaps hiding an injury or a deformity of some kind? My suggestion is that at the end of the meeting, as an elder you could stroke her head in approval, or as a blessing, which would be entirely expected. That is really the one thing we would like to be sure of. Other than that, as you can see, there are no questions of dowry or anything that we expect. In fact, once this stage is passed, we would like to begin planning and preparations as soon as possible, so that my son can also apply for his annual vacation with plenty of time in hand.
“Raj, will you play your crucial part in our hour of need? Whatever you feel, whatever your impressions, we will honour and respect them. I have discussed this plan with my son, and after speaking to his cousin, my nephew, and reading some of your columns himself online, he too agrees that we could not find a better emissary. A Rajdoot, we can say! Will you play your role that could bring two people happily together forever on the journey of life and relieve the worries of two families?
“We all look forward with eager anticipation to you saying YES!
“Yours very faithfully,
“Simply a father.”
