I was divorced, newly unemployed, and desperate at 43. In the last 11 years, I have made a new life for myself: written six books, founded a writing workshop, and forayed into modelling and acting

At 43, I was divorced, newly unemployed, and desperate. If somebody had told me then that I would someday rise like a Phoenix from the train-wreck that my life had become, I would have laughed the hardest at the lame joke. Back then the various labels I was suddenly carrying — bad mother, all-around loser, etc, were such a dead-weight on my shoulders that it crushed my spirit and soul till I could no longer think straight.

Those were tough, dark days and often I would be paralysed by the guilt of not keeping my marriage with my college sweetheart together, the guilt of breaking up our child’s secure universe, remarrying, and all the explaining to an insensitive world about my various commissions and omissions.

I had everything that any woman could possibly dream of: a great track record as a journalist, a loving husband, a wonderful daughter, and a home I was proud of, and yet, I was deeply, soul-searingly unhappy. Frankly, I was not the best person to be around back then.

But all of that changed the day my gentle, forever patient husband sat me down and said: “You have always wanted to write a book. Now that you don’t have a regular job, what is stopping you from chasing that dream?” That was all the nudging I needed. As the clock struck 10 am the next day, I called a corporate maven who I admired deeply and shared my dream with her. I wanted to write a book about inspiring, trend-setting Indian women and would she connect me with a few, I asked her. My friend picked up the phone and a few calls later I was in business. 10 months down the line my debut book, ‘Leading Ladies: Women Who Inspire India,’ launched to much love in the book world, and, more importantly, I found my mojo back. I had fulfilled a secret childhood dream of someday having a book with my name on the cover and, in the bargain, I had made friends with a dozen kick-ass, fearless, feisty women who featured in my book. Many of them remain staunch supporters of what I do, even today.

When I look back at the last 11 years of my life, I marvel at all that has happened in my life — dare I say I made happen in my life? I have written six fairly successful books, set up possibly the country’s pioneering writing workshop, Get Writing, which has been running successfully for 11 years now, and carved a niche for myself as a speaker on diversity and inclusion and the women’s leadership space. And oh, did I mention that I am now also an actor and model?

And if I have managed to do all of this, it is only because I have consciously pressed the Reinvent button on my life and decided to do away with all that held me back and destroyed my spirit.

Just the other day someone asked me at a speaking session how I managed to achieve this much in such a short span of time. The question threw me for a minute but the answer, when I looked for it, was simple: I had a dream for myself and I was committed to fulfilling that dream. In fact, every time I fulfill a cherished dream, I already have another dream, another goal to work towards. And I have never shied away from doing everything required to make that dream come true.  When I announced my first ever Get Writing workshop in Pune in 2011, it was the hardest thing for me to get over my innately shy and reclusive self. As a child, I had been the complete Average Jane, the back-bencher trying to disappear into the woodwork so the teachers would not notice her. For that girl to overcome her shyness and teach a class of 40 strangers was a giant leap of faith. The night before the workshop, I seriously considered cancelling it and returning people’s money but if there is something that defines me, it is my refusal to be destroyed or defeated. I put on my brightest smile, called upon all my reserves, and conducted that workshop that ended with thunderous applause. Sometimes the biggest battles that you fight are the ones in your head. And when you have done that, you realise that no dream is too small or big to fight for. Every dream is important.

One good thing leads to another and I have been incredibly lucky with this. My experiences of working with some of the country’s most accomplished and admired women, combined with my newfound confidence in addressing large groups of people, led me to my next big thing: a speaker at corporate houses, prestigious platforms such as CII and management institutions such as BITS, Pilani, where I spoke women, leadership, success and the many ways we can fulfil our dreams. Over the course of the last 11 years, I have spoken at the campuses of multinational corporations where team members from across the world have plugged in to listen. And I have been paid handsomely to do so.

The shy, self-effacing, mousy little girl that I used to be also had another dream: to someday see herself on screen but it was such an audacious dream for someone so plain that she never shared the dream with anyone. Then, three years ago, just before the world went into a lockdown from the dreaded Coronavirus, I got a call out of the blue, that again changed my life and added fresh spice to it. It was a casting company calling to say that they were looking to cast for an ad campaign that would run on Facebook and the shoot was the very next day. Without a clue of what I was getting into, I turned up at the shoot and knew I belonged there when “Lights, Camera, Action” happened and I turned into the character I was playing.

And therein lie my two other biggest strategies: Stop being fearful and take risks at every point. The worst thing that can happen is that you fall on your face but hey, you can always get back on your feet and start again, right? And if you fail, you will always have learnt something from that experience.

That first ad campaign has led to several others; it led to my baby steps into the world of acting, with appearances in web series over the last couple of years. If I were to be asked what gave me those breaks, the answer would have to be that I have honed my skills at every level, learnt on the job, learnt from observing the best actors at work and from reaching out for help and guidance from those who have been there before me and have aced it.

There are other things that have helped me on my journey; it may seem clichéd, but has been very important for me. I have made friends along the way who will stand up for me. I have a family who supports me unconditionally, a spouse who believes in my dream and is proud of me. And I am learning to be grateful to the universe and to the people in my universe for being there for me and for the small miracles they send my way.